Funny how rejection shatters me to my core. Even if I make it up in my head. Most of the time it's a perception of what I don't see. Stop thinking about it and stop trying so hard.

What am I even fucking expecting? Oh yeah I'll go on this fucking 07 YouTube clone and try and get in with the Weird user base on it by vaguely making my presence known. And then what? I'm supposed to become friends with these people? I don't even want an online persona. I've never been like that. Why do I keep trying to be someone I'm not just for attention and validation?

And the truth is I often don't care about these people. I just want my thoughts to be seen and validated. That's all I care about. I find it so hard to care for others because nobody ever cares about me.

I don't remember the last time shit like this even made me laugh. I do it just because I understand it. It's not rewarding or fulfilling. If anything it exacerbates my loneliness. The idea that I'm never going to make something worthwhile. Hoping somehow people will like me because I make puerile attempts at demonstrating we have similar tastes, rather than because I actually care about them as people.

Trying desperately to find a sense of identity. Clinging onto the fact that I "get" niche things. Never going to fit in, never going to stand out. Focus on something more worthwhile.

At what point do you realize it's time to leave certain things behind

Where do we belong in this world? Certainly not here.

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The purpose of nature is the advancement and development of life
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The purpose of nature is the advancement and development of life
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